Reflections & Resolutions….

res·o·lu·tion

ˌrɛzəˈluʃən/[rez-uh-loo-shuhn]

–noun

1.  a resolve or determination: to make a firm resolution to do something.

2. the act of resolving or determining upon an action or course of action, method, procedure, etc.

3. the mental state or quality of being resolved or resolute; firmness of purpose.

4. a solution, accommodation, or settling of a problem, controversy, etc.

I don’t do “life update” blogs that often, I mostly have just blathered on and on about random things, so this is awkward for me to type. At any rate, as you probably guessed from the title, I’m making some resolutions for the new year.  I know I’m late on the bandwagon for this, but I figure that my late start could be forgiven as most people have bailed on any effort towards their resolutions for 2011 already anyway. Bummer dudes.

As trite as making resolutions is, I made up my mind that I would at least give a few “a good go” this year. I thought I’d give myself a few weeks to really think about what these little adventures in behavior modification should be. My list is pretty epic. It’s more like a Bucket List than anything but, what can you do?

2010,  made me aware of some things about myself that I’m not entirely impressed with.  Somethings, I’m proud of, but somethings…not so much. There are goals that as of today, my 25th Birthday, I haven’t even cracked into.  Some I’ve all but given up on.  I’ve realized that the thing getting in the way of me getting to where I know I need to be, is me. So…here’s my list for the year. I don’t expect these all to resolve in a year, but I will damn well begin the process this year!

* Stop defining myself by anything other than Jesus.  – It’s just too damn hard to be a Tetris piece all the time. I define myself by my family’s expectations, by my political party, by my age, my gender, by the money I have and don’t have, by the relationships I am in or not. All else is nonsense.

*Fall in love with eating and making good food. - I have a cooking twitch. I like to cook. I must explore this and learn as much as I can in this year.

*Make Music.  – In my stupid poorness, I’ve sold off all my musical instruments. None of which I could play anymore. This makes me sad. My goal is to learn to play the piano this year.

*Become a “glass-half-full” girl. - This one is going to take some work. Pessimism runs deep in these veins and it gets in the way of good things. I’m going to do my best to not be so damn dark all the time. Pray for me. lol

*Get back to school.   – Don’t worry, I’ll update the name of the blog when this one happens.

* Stop drinking bad beer. -  I live in Duluth, this is completely do-able!

Alright 2011, let’s get comfy. We have some work to do!

The Joy Division

A good friend of mine recently sent me  a podcast from Iconocast of an interview with Dr. Cornel West.  In the interview Dr. West discussed Social Movements in America and spoke heavily of the lack of fire and passion in the modern American Church for the poor and marginalized. As I was listening to his very lyrical and poetic comments to questions, Dr. West made a tiny comment, that to me, resonates to the very heart of this lack of true progress towards Jesus’ commandments for humanity.

When asked how to respond to oppression, Dr. West said: “There is no doubt…that if you don’t have Joy, you’re not in love.  That Joy is the fruit of love.  That if people are living joyless lives, they have to have the courage and the freedom to love in order to have access to Joy.”

This got me thinking about the complete and utter lack of Joy that I see in not only my fellow Christians but in most Americans.  It challenged my heart to think about what would happen if we all managed to get up the courage to be brave and love with no conditions. To build up our fellow-man without a thought of what it would do for us personally.

I also caved to my impulse of being critical of my fellow Christians. I wondered why, that if we believe in  loving, self-sacrificing  God, we could be so joy-less and out of love with him. How we could live, eyes turned from the poor and broken-spirited.  How we could be so not full of boundless Joy, that a large portion of us ascribe the violent, and hateful “End Times” theology that has run rampant in the modern Church, leaving us bitter, angry and cold to our neighbors and God’s creation.  How we could drop the ball so far as to think that we as American Christians are some how privileged and “special” enough to be above Christ’s call for radical, and barrier breaking love.

And how on earth, have depression, anxiety and melancholy bound our hands from receiving and giving this love?

Oh we of little faith.

I think these things and want to confess that I am very guilty of everything I just described.  I personally go through intense bouts of anger, depression, anxiety and melancholy. All  leaving me paralyzed to Joy. All leaving me with a bitterness towards loving people. Towards ultimately,  loving God.

But, I’ve found, that in pressing into the hope and wisdom of God, in embracing love and giving love, somehow, things just iron themselves out. Grace falls upon me.  It frees me to be who I was created to be, it frees me to love and it frees me to feel Joy, even when by all definitions, I should feel anything but. I see individuals who have lives, completely enlightened in this way. People who have absolutely nothing in terms of possessions. Who are sick, who have lost loved ones etc. But they have LOVE and JOY beyond comprehension. It’s mind-blowing.

So I say we stop letting joy divide we Christians. Let it unify us and pull us all from our deep, wasteful slumbers. Embrace the frightening, incomprehensible and all-encompassing love that we identify ourselves by and get shit done.

Sorry, it got too heavy, even for my liking, there for a while. Had to throw in a curse word to lighten things up!

Done with my mental chewing gum for the day.

Ah, check out this Colbert link. I’ve watched this one a lot lately, its fabulous and hilarious as per usual with The Report.  I think it ties in nicely with my rambling.

Full interview with Dr. West.

A Brief Apology

It’s been a long time since I’ve written. For those of you who care….I’m sorry. I’m a bit out of writing-shape.  Here’s to a new year of adventure!

Lindsay